Mr. Sniffles Snuffles....

Couldn't sleep last nite. The sadness that I've been suppressing all this while has surfaced. I cried the whole nite until I fell asleep. Woke up and I still have that heavy feeling in my heart. I hate it when that happens! How does one control the mechanism of the heart truly baffles me. The head is able to reason yet the heart has a mind of its own. Tried to wake Izz up. We had a date with Corinne today, to see Kye and Brandon play soccer for their clubs. Izz refused to wake up and I think he's not feeling well. He's been restless too last nite, having difficulty in breathing. "Mak... nape Izz tak leh napas..?" Yep, he got the sniffles. Guess the 'sickness' is contagious. Had to cancel the date with Corinne. Izz was so upset because he was looking forward to play soccer with Kye on the field. Rosh literally pushed the medicine down Izz throat. Every one is 'under the weather'. It's only 8am and already so much drama... Rosh went out to meet his friend and straight to college after that. I need to do something to distract myself from having another 'crying episode'. So I decided to make Soto for lunch - from scratch. However, I managed to have it done within 2 hrs. Cleaned the house - again! Talk to friends (thank you for knocking some sense into my thick skull! And for making me smile again...) feel a bit better. Izz ate a lot of Soto, 3 servings in fact! The kids slept until 4 pm (due to medication). Kye came over to ask Izz to come out and ride their bikes together. Rosh called and said not to cook dinner - he wants to take us out. So got the kids ready and off we go! We went to Thai House in Cooleman Court. The place was packed. We had vege fried rice, braised mix vege with chili and basil and Tom Yam Koong. The food was so-so, I like LemonGrass Restaurant better. After dinner, took a stroll around the block and bumped into a fancy dress party! The theme is Medieval I think, looking at the costumes. I just love these parties! The dressing up part especially. Pity we couldn't go in or otherwise I'd be all over the place snapping pics. Went home, Rosh went out again. Took some pics of myself to upload on the net. Managed to complete Corinne's and Marion's Mother's Day cards and gifts. Hope the sun will be smiling early on tomorrow... and no more Mr. Sniffles Snuffles.

Anorexic Girl

I don't want to end up like this!!!

I love you mak! (Bony ass and all...)

Today is a big day for Izz. The school has invited all the mums to be in school at 12.30 for a special Mother's Day Presentation. He has been practicing his songs at home. We made special origami flowers and a Mother's Day card for Wendy yesterday. He gave the card and flower to Wendy and she loved it! She gave Izz a big hug and put the card on her table. Went back to school at 12.10pm. Wore the red dress and boots I bought yesterday! Izz told me to 'dress up' cause Wendy is going to take our pictures. When I arrived at school, the children were still playing outside. Izz was playing the Monkey Bar and now he was able to swing himself to the last bar! Wendy called the children to come inside and get ready for their presentation. The mums were seated in a semi circle around the classroom. Their programme is as follows: - 1. Singing 2. Dancing 3. Reading 4. Eating 5. Surprise for Mum! Eating time is when every child gave their mum a Fairy Biscuits that they made themselves... how sweet! (No kidding! The bread is literally covered with rainbow sprinkles!) The surprise was a portrait of mum made by each of our child. We had fun singing, dancing and eating together. Aish joined the ruckus too, clapping and making noises. These are the moments I'll treasure forever... Later on that day I managed to finish the Mother's Day card I've been making for Marion and Corinne. Did some origami flowers and boxes for them too. Kye came over to play with Izz. I think he loves it here because of the 'free flow' of snacks and fruit juice... hahaha. Speaking of food, my weight is my main concern right now since it has plummeted to an all time low of 44kg. I used to be around 47-50kg before this but now I seemed unable to go beyond 45kg. Corinne has been saying that I might 'disappear' any time soon if I don't gain more weight. I'm quite flabbergasted since I do eat normally, I eat chocolates, ice creams, junk food anytime I feel like eating them and I'm not a picky eater. I took a long hard look at myself at the mirror and I do look quite thin but still 'presentable'. I can still see some places that I wish were smaller. Not satisfied with that, I stripped down to my skivvies and took some pictures of myself. The result was quite dreadful... I do look BONY. Arrggghhh!!! How did I came to this?? When people told me that I'm terribly skinny I just laugh it off. I feel OK, I eat anything and everything, still able to do my normal activities, and finally able to fit in nicely into a size 8 stretch jeans, so I think I'm looking fabulous. But those pictures tell me a different story. It reminded me of an advert I saw on the telly some time ago about eating disorder. I don't want to turn into an Anorexic Girl! I don't think I have an eating disorder, or do I??? I do love my old self, round and voluptuous. I need to put some meat on myself and fast before I really do disappear. Help......!!!!! I need some practical suggestions.... ASAP!!!

Mother's Day

Melancholic desolation

Got the car on Tuesday. Sent Rosh to college. Took the kids to Hyperdome Tuggeranong. Big sale at K-Mart. Got few stuff for the house, me n the kids. Izz spent 1 hr plus at the toys department. The rule still applies - can see but cannot buy. Poor kid... will compensate him when we go back to Malaysia. Too much hassle to bring back all the toys home. Went for Wallabies jersey hunting. Special request. Finally got it. Bought additional souvenirs for mak. Had lunch at Tuggeranong Park. Izz was so happy that he finally got to go to the park. The weather was chilly and dreary, however the autumn view of the park was... picturesque. Just like what you always see on the postcards or calendars. Went home, Kye and Brandon were already playing in front of the house. Later on both of them were in the house playing computer games. It was Fish Head Curry for dinner that nite. Called Corinne up to watch over the kids for a while because I need to pick up Rosh at his college. The house was a hive of activities. I was feeling a little bit melancholic. Strange how you can have all these noises and people around you and yet you can feel so alone and empty at the same time. The more you try to fill it up the more barren you feel. Sometimes I feel so helpless, like I'm drowning in a fathomless sea of despair. It's just like if I am not careful enough I would be sucked into its depth unknowingly and could not escape... ever. I'm just putting up a brave face to the world so that people would not see how vulnerable I am right now, I just don't want them to worry too much about me. I think I've caused enough distress in the lives of those that I love. Ahhh.. affairs of the heart. Agony and ecstasy are the same intense feelings but for different emotions - hate and love. The person who said "It's better to have love and lost than not to love at all" must have been a Psycho! or a Sadist! Who wants to experience grief, torture, betrayal, anguish, despair...all in one big swoop? OK .. enough! Keep it together girl!! We don't want me to do a Sukey-La la here in Oz.

Today, Ana Ariffin (from Indonesia) asked me to accompany her to do some shopping. We used her car since her husband went for an overseas study tour. Her kid and mine are in the same class in preschool. Sent the kids to preschool. Then we went to the Asian Store in Phillips. The prices are indeed cheaper there and there are more choices. Later we went to the Salvos nearby. I got a leather boots for AUD5! In my size! Finally... it's a miracle! Ana got a few stuff for herself and the kids. 6 items of clothing for AUD 6! Why don't we have this kind of store back home? Later we went to Hyperdome Tuggeranong (again!) and just browsing around when we saw this shop - Jeans West, was having a major sale! 2 dresses for AUD20! 3 tops for AUD10! Well, you know the relationship between women and sales... we're suckers for them! So after trying heaps of stuff, I got a leopard print, halter neck dress and a red shirt dress. Ana got a coco wrap-around dress and the same red shirt dress. It's OK since she'll be back in Indonesia and I'm in Malaysia so the possibility of both of us wearing the same thing at the same place is minute. Went to Woolworth for groceries and guess what? I left my groceries after paying for them! I just realised it halfway to the car park... That shows how much my mind is in disarray. Asked Ana to look after Aish and I rushed back to the store. Phew.. lucky it was still there. Dropped by to the Asian store nearby to look for Kari Cap Burung Nuri. Couldn't get it at the one in Phillip. Pick up the kids from school and went home. Today is Marion's moving day. Went to her house and it's already half empty. Left her after saying hello and passing the key to Corinne's house. Didn't want to disturb her. Izz went to sleep straight away. I started preparing for dinner. Today it's ribs again with mushroom soup, garlic bread and salad. Heard a knock at the door. It was Corrine and she has locked herself out of the house! She wants to get her keys but I told her I already given it to Marion! She panicked because her car keys were in the house and she need to pick up her kids from school in 15 mins! Gave her Marion's phone no. cause I guess she's already in her new house , arranging her stuff. But lo and behold! She's still in the house! Lucky for Corinne! Izz woke up and went to Corinne's house to play with Kye. After cooking, went to Corinne's house to pick up Izz n to borrow an icepack cause my left knee is killing me. Every time I put pressure on it there's a sharp pain and it has been three days since it first started. However, physical pain is something that I can endure and control, nothing like my bleeding heart...

Corinne Bailey Rae - Trouble Sleeping

The song reflects how I'm feeling right now

Corrine Bailey Rae - Like A Star

This song is for all the people who are by my side in my times of need. U know who u are... my stars...

To my stars, love u n thank you...

LIKE A STAR

by CORINNE BAILEY RAE

#Just like a star across my sky,

Just like an angel off the page,

You have appeared to my life,

Feel like I'll never be the same,

Just like a song in my heart,

Just like oil on my hands,

Oh.. I do love you,

*Still i wonder why it is,

I don't argue like this,

With anyone but you,

We do it all the time,

Blowing out my mind,

You've got this look I can't describe,

You make me feel like I'm alive,

When everything else is a fade,

Without a doubt you're on my side,

Heaven has been away too long,

Can't find the words to write this song,

Oh.,.. Your love,

Repeat*

I have come to understand,

The way it is,

It's not a secret anymore,

'cause we've been through that before,

From tonight I know that you're the only one,

I've been confused and in the dark,

Now I understand,

I wonder why it is,

I don't argue like this,

With anyone but you,

I wonder why it is,

I wont let my guard down,

For anyone but you

We do it all the time,

Blowing out my mind,

Repeat #

The Red Herring...

Phew... had a very busy week. Izz started his 2nd schooling term last Wednesday. Rosh is in his Research Week now so he volunteered to send Izz to school every day. Kye and Brandon are now honorary members of our family. It seems that we are always in each others houses every other day. Mi casa es su casa. Met Rachel at Corinne's house. She's willing to help regarding 'the situation' I'm in now. So I'm glad I've got some sort of back up plan now. Throughout this week UKWho has been very nice to us. UKWho is trying his best to schmooze everybody including Marion and Corinne! Thursday nite Rosh 'had' to go to The Club so he said he'll buy dinner for us. He bought Subway for me and Macdonald for Izz. He went at 7pm and came back at around 1.30am. Friday, Izz fell while on our way back home from school. The incident caused me to overlook the fact that I had to do the school laundry for this week. He grazed his knees and it was more a case of embarrassment rather than actual pain because he was up and running after a few moments of 'drama'. After the kids went to sleep, I went back to school to take the laundry and guess what? Another parent (Tim) has volunteered to do my washing... how embarrassing. On Saturday we went to Hyperdome Tuggeranong to do our groceries. While we were there, we went to the other end of the shopping mall and 'got stuck' there. Rosh and Izz at The Good Guys n I'm with Aish at the Stitch n Craft shop. Bought some sewing stuff that I couldn't get back home. Bought some stuff at Go-Lo, met a Malaysian family. Their daughter is at the University of Canberra. We ate at East Meet West for lunch. Rosh had fried seafood udon and I had seafood noodle soup. Was on our way to Woolworths when we saw a store having sale on leather jackets. Rosh asked me whether I'm interested and asked me to try some on. So I did try a few on and took a liking on one long, zippered jacket that reminds me of Trinity from the Matrix. Hmm.. I just got a thing with leather n stuff... Anyway he bought me the jacket and said it's an early Mother's Day gift. Ok... Right after that we went straight to Mawson to buy our meat. That nite I made BBQ ribs, mashed potatoes and stir fried spinach with portobello mushrooms. On Sunday Rosh took us for a trip to Yarralumla for an 'Autumn stroll'. We took some pictures of autumn scenery there and at the Commonwealth Park. The leaves are simply beautiful with a wide spectrum of red and yellow. Took some pictures of the Canberra mosque and some old churches. Nothing religious, I just love old buildings especially those with Gothic architectures. Had lunch at Kopitiam in Kingston. The owner is from Kuching, Sarawak and has been here for the past 26 years. Rosh had Laksa Lemak and I had Char Kuew Tiaw. Izz had kebabs. The food was good but nothing beats the real thing. I miss the food at Gurney Drive in Penang. Just thinking about the food there made my mouth water. Yummm.... Went back home, Rosh went to the College to finish his work. Corinne came over and invited me to her house. Marion was already in front of Corinne's house with a tray of food. So we're having a ladies tea by the garage now are we..? We had our chit-chat while watching the kids play. Then we went inside the house to drool over a cake that Brandon has made that afternoon. It was a white chocolate marshmallow mud cake. The cake looked superfrigilicious! I'm impressed that Brandon made it himself! (Yes, with the help of his friend's mom...) We had a feast and was entertained by Brandon and his guitar. I told Corinne that if I have a daughter I would have 'booked' Brandon to be my future son in law, but Marion said she already beat me to it 'cause Natalya has been telling her that she wants to marry Brandon! And right at that moment, as if on cue, Natalya walked in to the room looking for Brandon. We laughed our heads off... Aish was mesmerised by the songs that Brandon strummed. He simply stand there, transfixed at the melody and his tiny fingers are copying Brandon's movement. Soo cute! We lost track of time and by the time we went home it was already 7.15pm and Rosh was already home, and surprise, surprise. dinner is served. He made fried fish and stir fry ladies fingers. This morning, Izz wanted to have a 'swim' in the bathtub so all three of us went for a swim in the tub. Hilarious! We went for playtime at Marion's house and came back for lunch. Later in the evening the kids went out to play. Aish had a blast playing with Brandon. He's such a sweetheart! Today for dinner I made stir fry chicken with ginger, Tempura prawn and mushroom, and spinach soup. Rosh went out after dinner to meet an air force friend whom just arrived here for a short course. Wonder how long this facade is going to last... before all hell breaks loose...